frustration.

First, I know it has been quite a bit since my last post. I did warn you at the start I would be terribly inconsistent. I was home and went back and came home again in the time since my last post. I’ve struggled with my own aimless path, frustration and restlessness. I’ve tried to cobble together some work. I’ve started puttering in the garden which brings me some peace. I’ve tried to not be annoyed, angry, impatient… I’ve succeeded and failed at all of them at one point or another. I’m tired of my own situation I couldn’t imaging anyone else wanting to hear about another day of it.

But here I am.

Mom has been in and out of the hospital. Of course there were hero’s of the day… cousin Adam who always shows up, I am thankful for him. Neighbor Denise the Vet Tech who cared for Stanley is also such a ray of sunshine. Neighbor Lisa and her husband visiting mom and spending some time with her is a comfort to her and I.

Those are the bright spots. I continue to struggle with paying a ridiculous amount of money for moms care and feeling like it is a full time job for me to manage the most basic needs. Oxygen deliveries continue to be an issue… WHY?! it is not difficult people… you have a schedule you know people need the tanks… deliver them. but no. I spent an hour on hold of course it is Friday… no one is there. no tanks were delivered this week so I have a mother who is stressed she will not be able to leave her room for a week until they deliver next week. This coming from a woman who is used to being alone and isolated from people… she wants to have the choice/option of going to the dining room for meals.

Did she get a shower this week, no. Clean towels in her room, no. Was her laundry done this week – yes but it was not returned to her and her OT person tracked it down for her. It seems her room person isn’t checking on her during the morning shift and we have no idea what the PT / OT schedule is, they show up or they don’t. Has she run out of toilet paper, yes. Is she running out of pull ups, yes. She has broken into the emergency stashes I left in her closet so that her anxiety about running out of things would be eased. Now she is stressed because she has been using the stash.

Consistency… knowing what to expect. That is what brings her comfort. I have conveyed this multiple times. I have sent emails, met with the care team in person. It just baffles me that I am STILL calling about this damn O2 delivery and my calls with mom are all about what she has run out of and no one checks on her. It is making an already challenging situation more frustrating. What the F*ck am I paying thousands of dollars for?!?

I am going back at the end of the month and will restock her items and add a few things that will hopefully bring her comfort… & a set or two of towels from home. Hopefully I will find some peace as well.