Mom and I have a dark sense of humor as I mentioned before but we aren’t the Adams Family either. Yesterday we talked about her transition off this earth/ out of this life… whatever you want to call it, death. It is something we’ve talked about over the years. There isn’t a lot of stigma or taboo when talking about these sorts of things.. it is more matter of fact, we are pragmatic to a fault.
When moving into. Brighton Beach as we will call it moving forward there was a pile of paperwork to fill out and one of the questions along with preferred hospital was preferred funeral director. I put down the place mom and I discussed before but it has been a hot minute and I wanted to make sure her feelings hadn’t changed. So we talked about it yesterday and there were laughs, no tears.
Mom’s wishes are simple, no fuss and none of the pomp and circumstance. I told her she would go with me to Nome and get to ‘see’ Alaska finally. Though at that point I envision she will be hovering around me at all times sending me little signs. We are not religious people in the traditional sense by any measure but I do believe our ancestors are ‘watching over us’ in some manner.
Have the hard conversations. This is my nuts & bolts advice.
It sucks to talk about someones or your own funeral/ end of life wishes. It’s emotional. It is complicated, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s about the person and their vision of what end of life looks like for them. Making arrangements in advance provides the opportunity to grieve at the time without having to ‘take care of business’ and allows the person to make their wishes known.
No one has a crystal ball and death happens when it happens. Putting plans in place ahead of time, especially when you live far apart, helps everyone – the care givers & the funeral directors to assist with knowledge and understanding when the time comes. If I am in Alaska and mom passes in NC no one is waiting for me to make the trip back, things need to happen and with pre planning they can happen without a lot of discussion and decisions being made at a most emotional time and from a distance. ( I am a project manager by nature, can you tell )
Someone may want a big festive/lavish/irish/ second line style funeral, there are a million ways to celebrate someone’s life… others may wish a simple no frills, no memorial service, quiet exit from this earth. I’ve always thought funerals are for the living, some say the closure is important but I am of the quiet, no frills camp and thankfully mom and I agree.
Respect the persons wishes and do your best to honor them.
Next trip I will be meeting with the funeral home I put down on the paperwork at Brighton Beach… they should know they’ve been selected as F.H. of record. ( all my days working in a flower shop… F.H. shorthand still feels natural. (O/W.D.S. & T.O.Y.! )
Action item: have the hard discussions, put the plans in place.
Minding Mom. 